“Girls are trained to say, ‘I wrote this, but it’s probably really stupid.’ Well, no, you wouldn’t write a novel if you thought it was really stupid. Men are much more comfortable going, ‘I wrote this book because I have a unique perspective that the world needs to hear.’ Girls are taught from the age of seven that if you get a compliment, you don’t go, ‘Thank you’, you go, ‘No, you’re insane.’”
— Lena Dunham, in an interview with The Guardian
When a man set up a fake internet dating profile pretending to be female, he set out to prove a point about how easy women have it when searching for an online match.
Nice for him to see how the other half live…
I’m Seb White, co-founder of HI! Magazine and now The Geek Agenda.
I started HI! Magazine three years ago because I was sick of the grotesquely vulgar and pretentious crap being served by the likes of Vice and Dazed. I wanted to read things that were relevant to my 23 year old self…
I read a really interesting article on LinkedIn a few months ago, that has stayed with me.
A woman lived her life being told that she was nice, and she lived her life believing she was nice. That she was a nice person, and those that met her thought she was nice.
At a school reunion, a girl approached her and said that she always remembered a day she fell over on the stairs, and the nice girl didn’t say anything, or help her up, because she was with two friends that were mocking the girl that was down.
She had thought that because she wasn’t mocking along with her friends, she was being nice.
She realised then that being nice, and being good are two different things.
Being good is what we should strive for. Good isn’t always nice. It’s honest, it’s straight-talking, it has the best intentions at heart. But good isn’t always the easiest thing to say, or the easiest thing to hear either.
Regardless, I would rather leave this world having people say I was a good person, rather than a nice one. And this excuses my behavior.
Years ago when I was 17 I developed and performed a short play for my AS Level drama exam, entitled “Alone But Not Lonely”. It was about a woman who was single when everyone around her was coupling up and getting married. She stood out like the lone thorn in a sea of roses. She aggressively told people that she was alone, but she wasn’t lonely. Her life was filled with so many people that made her life rich and brought her happiness.
I think I am now that woman. I have an incredible network of friends. Some I see regularly, others I speak to once a month, a few I contact daily. Friends that know everything about me, fair weather friends, friends I’ve lived with, friends that are in couples.
Quite a lot of friends that are in couples.
And I’m not lonely. My life is as rich and as happy as it was told by my 17 year-old self foretold it to be.
But, sometimes it is painfully lonely. Sometimes you wonder why you are still single as people pair off around you. You feel left out for no reason. And you feel disconnected.
But tomorrow I probably won’t feel lonely. Just tonight, for now.